What can make a person’s trip to work fearsome?

Paul: I’m Paul. Thanks for joining us today. Today’s topic is something most of us have experienced, stress on the job. It can affect a lot more than just job performance. It can color your whole outlook on life, affecting your personal relationships, even your health, contributing to heart disease, memory loss and loss of libido. Tight deadlines can make that trip to the office a dreaded task. Dr. Lee, How would you define stress?
Dr. Lee: I think stress is how our bodies react to some kind of change in the environment. So it could be having additional tasks at work. It could be getting into a disagreement with your wife or husband. So how your body reacts is interpreted as some kind of stress.
Paul: This is a tough one, but why is it that one person will act one way toward the same event, and another person will act completely in a different way?
Dr. Lee: Because they think about those events differently. That explains their difference in reaction. I think certain people have ways of thinking about things that give rise to stress. Rules, rigid scripts that they have running in their head.
Paul: Such as?
Dr. Lee: Such as punctuality. Some people are very rigid about time. Not wanting to be late to a movie, for instance. And other people say, "Well if I get there a couple of minutes late, it’s not that big of a deal". If you believe everything must be on time all the time, then when something is 10 minutes late, you’re liable to be stressed out, angry, and depressed about it. If your attitude is "Well, I strive for that all the time, but sometimes it doesn’t happen and that’s okay", you’re going to be much more relaxed in the face of that kind of event.
Paul: How does stress manifest itself in the body? Can people see it in your face? We know sometimes it can work and sometimes it can be kept inside where someone else might not know that you’re stressed.
Dr. Lee: I think both. It really depends on the individual. A lot of times people furrow their brows, look distracted by something that’s going on. A lot of times it’s really happening internally. A lot of times when people have given speeches that they axe nervous about, or anxious about, afterward people will come and say, "Wow, you seemed so calm or you seemed so relaxed", even though internally their heart was racing, their mouth may have been drier, their palms may have been sweating a little bit more. So sometimes it’s easier to read in certain people, particularly when it’s carried in the shoulders or in the neck when people tend to get tensed up.
Paul: Some stresses are caused by poor communication. How can you improve communication with people without feeling like you are trying to boss them around, especially if it is someone who isn’t your subordinate?
Dr. Lee: it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. We actually work on assertiveness training. You hit the nail on the head. Communication is one of the biggest problems in terms of conflicts in the workplace, reduced productivity, absenteeism, turnover because of the frustration and people blowing up inappropriately. People are trained to organize their thoughts beforehand.
Paul: You need to be able to separate those out before you can come up with a real constructive plan of action.
Dr. Lee: Absolutely.
Paul: So if you find yourself stressful, is there anything that could take the heat off a little bit?
Dr. Lee: Find some pleasurable activities. Some things that can distract you. We do exercises with people, having them visualize the color red. Once they really have an idea of red, we tell them to stop thinking about red, and often times it is difficult to do unless people begin thinking about another color, or unless they really have something to replace it with. So when people bring work related stress home, we encourage them to focus their attention exclusively on playing with the child, taking the dog for a walk, to get outside and really try to incorporate all of the senses to find a way to just relax and leave work at work.
Paul: Okay, very good advice. Dr. Lee, thank you very much for your time. As our psychologist here noted, stress can be dealt with. You just have to learn to enjoy life outside of work. I’m Paul, thanks for being with us.