阳台上的那盆昙花(epiphyllum)已冒出了小小的花苞,于是我留心期待着一个花开的夜晚。每回浇花的时候都叮咛自己可别错过了。但是一忙起来竟然真的错过了!待到第二天清晨倏地想起,急急推门出户,那已经绽放过的花朵,一如垂头敛翼的凤凰,倦然冷冷的不见一丝神采

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问题     阳台上的那盆昙花(epiphyllum)已冒出了小小的花苞,于是我留心期待着一个花开的夜晚。每回浇花的时候都叮咛自己可别错过了。但是一忙起来竟然真的错过了!待到第二天清晨倏地想起,急急推门出户,那已经绽放过的花朵,一如垂头敛翼的凤凰,倦然冷冷的不见一丝神采。想昨夜留它独自在漆黑的露台上,凄清寂寞地灿灿烂烂,我心中涌现满满的痛惜与歉疚——我岂止错过,分明是辜负了!

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答案I had been attentive and looking forward to the blooming night since the epiphyllum on the balcony came into small buds. Every time when watering the flower, I kept reminding myself not to miss the blossom, but I did miss it when I was engaged in other things! Until the next morning I suddenly remembered it and dashed through the door, only to find the epiphyllum which had bloomed like a phoenix lowering its head and folding the wings, tired and cold without a trace of vividness. At the thought of leaving it alone in the dark on the terrace last night, desolately and lonely in splendid bloom, I had become full of regret and guilt. I was more than missing the florescence. I definitely betrayed it.

解析 1.本文选自散文《错过》,描写了作者错过昙花开放的故事,译文的总体时态宜采用一般过去时。全文描写生动,笔触细腻,翻译时应注意保持这种风格。
2.第一句的两个分句间虽然有“于是”作连接,但其因果关系并不明显,反而“冒花苞到”和“期待开放”之间的时间逻辑关系明显,故译文考虑将前半句译为since引导的从句。“冒出小小的花苞”实指“长出花苞”可译为be in bud或come into bud。花开有多种译法,为避免重复,此处用bloom,下句使用blossom。
3.第二句缺少主语,通过上下文分析可知主语是“我”。“每回浇花……”可充当后面主句的状语从句,译为when watering the flower.I kept reminding myself not to miss the blossom。
4.第三句中,“一忙起来”表达的意思较为笼统,有多种译法,如be busy with...、be occupied with...、beengaged in…,此处可模糊处理为when I was engaged in other things。建议将这句话与前一句“但一忙起来竟然真的错过了”合译为一句,构成转折关系。
5.第四句原文由五个小短句组成,中文是注重“意合”的语言,英语是注重“形合”的语言,翻译时要注意整合句子。“倏地想起”和“急急推门出户”可以理解为两个并列动作,产生的结果是看见那朵“已经绽放过的花”,用only to find连接并能表达出作者的意外之喜。后面对花的描述,“一如垂头敛翼的凤凰,倦然冷冷的不见一丝神采”可译作epiphyllum的宾语补足语,译为like a phoenix hanging its head and folding thewings,tired and cold without a trace of vividness。
6.最后一句“想起……我心中……”可处理为At the thought of…,I had become...的复合句式,符合英语的语言习惯。“凄清寂寞地灿灿烂烂”描写的是昙花盛开时的冷清,可译为desolately and lonely insplendid bloom。由上文可知,“岂止是错过”原文省略了(昙花)盛开的时期,可在missing后增译florescence。“分明是辜负了”,此处辜负有多种译法,如let down、fail或betray,其中betray是指你的行为伤害了爱你或信任你的人,此处可译为I definitely betrayed it。
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