The main idea of Lies at the Altar can be summarized as______.

Julie(W)Dr. Robin Smith(M)
W: When couples get married, they often promise to love, honor and cherish each other. Too often, those traditional wedding vows turn out to be nothing but empty promises. Psychologist Dr. Robin Smith says it doesn’t have to be that way.(1)His new book Lies at the Altar offers advice on building a happy and healthy marriage. Dr. Robin, good morning!
M: Good morning!
W: So great to have you here!
M: I’m happy to be here, Julie.
W: OK. You didn’t necessarily write this for couples who are married or people who’re thinking of getting married. It’s written for everyone, right?
M: Yeah. It’s what the book is really about. Lies at the Altar is talking about living more in truth than in lies. Lies about what? About who we are, and so when you don’t know who you are, it’s actually impossible to create, to carve and to build the life and relationship of our dreams.
W:(2- 1)When you say lies at the altar, these are not intentional lies. It’s not like the bride and the groom were saying: I’m going to love and cherish you, but I’m really not. It’s you who think you know who you are, but actually not.
M: You don’t know who you are and often unfortunately(2 - 2)because of the models that we’ve had in our families also on television. There hasn’t been anyone who has given us permission, who has shown us the path into living more in the truth, so we’re afraid to let someone know who we are. Because maybe they won’t love us, maybe they won’t choose us, maybe they’ll decide that’s not the person that they want to spend their life with. What we don’t know is that if we live with that kind of fear, and we live covering up who we really are, we are cheating ourselves and minimizing the possibility of really having a good, strong marriage. I mean, my message is pro-marriage, but it’s about being married and being smart.
W: Do you feel that many people, men and women, not only cover up who they really are to their significant other but to themselves?
M: Absolutely. I think it starts actually with the cover-up to yourself being an impostor, and again,(5)not because we are bad, not because we are liars, not because we are indulgent, but because we are afraid of knowing who we really are, because we think we are going to lose out on choices and opportunities, not knowing that how we really lose out is by being the impostor, who is the cheater, the thief and the robber.
W: So how do we confront who we really are, whether it’s a conversation with ourselves when looking at ourselves in the mirror to find out the good and bad?
M: Well, there’re several things. One, I always ask people to tell me something great about themselves, and then tell me what some of their limitations are. People can often come up with something good, but it’s hard for people to be clear about where their limitations are. They can talk about they are great wife in this way and great husband in that way, but can’t tell me where they’re falling short, and the falling short part is critical because then I have a place to know where I need to do the new work. So I came in the book and talked about showing up as a grown-up, part of being mature.(3)And grown-up isn’t age. It’s about knowing who I am, what works for me, what doesn’t, what my values are. Those types of things are critical to really know about a real me, and then about the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
W: You have 276 questions here for someone to ask themselves. If they are hopeful future mates, answering these questions honestly can really help them figure out if the two of them should be together.
M: Absolutely, and then we want to be aware if you haven’t got married yet, It’s great.(4-1)Because you can go on this and use it as an exploring mission where I get to know me, I get to know you, and not to be afraid of the truth, because we arc scared, because we haven’t really learned that the truth will make us free. It’s the only foundation to a good, strong life and marriage. But for married couples, they are thinking: "OK, wait a minute, let me put the seat belt on, because now I’m scared. I’m 20 years in a marriage. I have kids and I don’t know if I want to ask myself this. "(4-2)Where it is really useful for married couples is that they can track: Oh, that’s where we’ve been stuck, and we don’t have to throw marriages out. There’re too many people getting divorced who actually have marriages that can work and be saved, but they don’t have the tools and "Lies at the Altar" is one. I mean It’s a tool to really empower your life and then your marriage.
W: It’s a great book. Now I know why, It’s No. 1 in its category on The New York Times.
M: Thank you!