Having a Better Conversation Having a good conversation is difficult nowadays Traditional 【L1】________may also evolve into an

Having a Better Conversation
    Good morning, everyone. Before we start, let me see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics, religion, childcare, or food? And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don’t want to talk to them?
    You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady: Stick to the weather and your health. But these days those subjects are not safe either. In this world, every conversation has the potential to evolve into an argument. Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history. We’re less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other. And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we already believe. Again, that means we’re not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, but somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.
    Now, part of that is due to technology—the smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly. They spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communication skills. So here I’d like to talk to you about how to talk and how to listen, how to interview people, and that’s actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.
    Here I have eight basic rules. I’m going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you’ll already enjoy better conversations.
    Number one: Don’t multitask. And I don’t mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand. I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don’t think about your argument you had with your boss. Don’t think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don’t be half in it and half out of it.
    Number two: Use open-ended questions. In this case, take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. If you put in a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer out. If I ask you, "Were you terrified?" you’re going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is "terrified," and the answer will be "Yes, I was." or "No, 1 wasn’t." Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like "What was that like?" "How did that feel?" Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.
    Number three: Go with the flow. That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. We’ve heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it’s already been answered. That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say that. And we do the exact same thing.
    Number four; If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Now, people on the radio are much more aware that they’re going on the record, and so they’re more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure.
    Number five: Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same. All experiences are individual.  And, more importantly, it is not about you.  You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
    Number six: Try not to repeat yourself. It’s condescending, and it’s really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don’t do that.
    Number seven; This is not the last one, but it is the most important one. Listen. I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop. Buddha said, and I’m paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you’re not learning. " But why on earth do we not listen to each other? First, we’d rather talk. When I’m talking, I’m in control. I don’t have to hear anything I’m not interested in. I’m the center of attention. But there’s another reason: We get distracted. The average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a conversation. You’re just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place.
    The last rule; Be brief. A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.
    All right. Ail of this boils down to the same basic concept; Be interested in other people. You should bear it in mind. Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Hope all these can be of help on your way to reach a better conversation.