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Apologize Effectively
An apology is an expression of remorse for something you’ve done wrong, and serves as a way to repair a relationship after that wrongdoing. Forgiveness occurs when the person who was hurt is motivated to repair the relationship with the person who inflicted the hurt. An effective apology will communicate three things: regret, responsibility, and communication. Apologizing for a mistake might seem difficult, but it will help you repair and improve your relationships with others.
First of all, you need to demonstrate your regret. Admit that you have realized that you were wrong and you are now regretful. Remember: always avoid justifying your actions. It’s natural to want to justify your actions when explaining them to another person. However, presenting justifications will often obscure the meaning of an apology, because the other person may perceive the apology as insincere. Justifications may include claims that the person you hurt misunderstood you, such as "you took it the wrong way." They may also include denial of injury, such as "it wasn’t really that bad."
Next, accept responsibility. Be as specific as possible when you accept responsibility. Specific apologies are more likely to be meaningful to the other person, because they show that you have paid attention to the situation that hurt him.
Try to avoid overgeneralizing. Saying something like "I’m a terrible person" is not true, and it isn’t attentive to the specific behavior or situation that caused the hurt. Overgeneralizing makes addressing the issue seem impossible; you can’t fix being a "terrible person" as easily as you can fix "not paying attention to someone else’s needs." For example, continue the apology by stating what, specifically, caused the hurt. "I deeply regret hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible about causing you pain. I should never have snapped at you for picking me up late."
Third, communication matters most. Listen to the other person. The other person may want to express their feelings to you. She may still be upset. She may have more questions for you. Do your best to stay calm and open.
If the other person is still upset with you, she/he may react in an unfavorable way. If the person yells or insults you, these negative feelings may prevent forgiveness from occurring. Either take a timeout or try to redirect the conversation to a more productive topic.
To take a timeout, express your empathy for the other person and offer them the choice. Try to avoid seeming like you’re blaming the other person. For example, "I clearly hurt you, and it seems like you’re upset right now. Would it be helpful to take a brief timeout? I want to understand where you are coming from, but I want you to feel comfortable."
To redirect the conversation from negativity, try to learn specific behaviors that the other person wishes you had done instead of what you actually did. For example, if the other person says something like "You just never respect me!" you could respond by asking "What would help you feel that respect in the future?" or "What do you hope I would do differently next time?"
Apologizing is never easy, for both parties; thus, try to make it as comfortable and effective as possible. Good luck!