Stress Management: Personally Adjusting to Stress Stress is a state of imbalance between demands made on us from outside sou

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问题                        Stress Management: Personally Adjusting to Stress
    Stress is a state of imbalance between demands made on us from outside sources and our capabilities to meet those demands. Often, it precedes and occurs concurrently with conflict. Stress, as you have seen, can be brought on by physical events, other people’s behavior, social situations, our own behavior, feelings, thoughts, or anything that results in heightened bodily aware ness. In many cases, when you experience pain, anger, fear, or depression, these emotions are a response to a stressful situation like conflict.
    Sometimes, in highly stressful conflict situations, we must cope with the stress before we cope with the conflict. Relieving some of the intensity of the immediate emotional response will allow us to become more logical and tolerant in res61ving the conflict. Here are some of the ways we have for control ling our physical reactions and our thoughts will be explained.
    People respond differently to conflict just as they respond differently to stress. Some people handle both better than others do. Individual differences are not as important as learning how to manage the stress we feel. The goal in stress management is self-control, particularly in the face of stressful events.
    Stress reactions involve two major elements: (1) heightened physical arousal as revealed in an increased heart rate, sweaty palms, rapid breathing, and muscular tension, and (2) anxious thoughts, such as thinking you are helpless or wanting to run away. Since your behavior and your emotions are controlled by the way you think, you must acquire skills to change those thoughts.
    Controlling physical symptoms of stress requires relaxation. Sit in a comfortable position in a quiet place where there are no distractions. Close your eyes and pay no attention to the outside world. Concentrate only on your breathing. Slowly inhale and exhale. Now, with each exhaled breath say "re lax" gently and passively. Make it a relaxing experience. If you use this method to help you in conflict situations over a period of time, the word "relax" will become associated with a sense of physical calm; saying it in a stressful situation will help induce a sense of peace.
    Another way to induce relaxation is through tension release. The theory here is that if you tense a set of muscles and then relax them, they will be more relaxed than before you tensed them. Practice each muscle group separately. The ultimate goal, however, is to relax all muscle groups simultaneously to achieve total body relaxation. For each muscle group, in turn, tense the muscles and hold them tense for five seconds, then relax them. Repeat this tension-release sequence three times for each group of muscles. Next, tense all muscles together for five seconds, then release them. Now, take a low, deep breath and say "relax" softly and gently to yourself as you breathe out. Repeat this whole sequence three times.
    You do not need to wait for special times to practice relaxing. If, during the course of your daily activities, you notice a tense muscle group, you can help relax this group by saying "relax" inwardly. Monitor your bodily tension. In some cases you can’ prepare yourself for stressful situations through relaxation before they occur. Practice will help you call up the relaxation response whenever needed.
    For other ways to relax, do not overlook regular exercise. Aerobic or yoga-type exercise can be helpful. Personal fitness programs can be tied to these inner messages to "relax" for a complete relaxation response.
    Controlling your thoughts is the second major element in stress management. Managing stress successfully requires flexibility in thinking. That is, you must consider alternative views. Your current view is causing the stress! You must also keep from attaching exaggerated importance to events.
    Everything seems life-threatening in a moment of panic; things dim in importance when viewed in retrospect.
    Try to view conflict from a problem-solving approach: "Now, here is a new problem. How am I going to solve this one?" Too often, we become stressed because we take things personally. When an adverse event occurs we see it as a personal affront or as a threat to our ego. For example, when Christy told Paul she could not go to the concert with him, he felt she was let ting him know she disliked him. This was a blow to Paul because he had never been turned down—rejected—before. Rather than dwell on that, however, he called Heather, she accepted his invitation, and he achieved his de sired outcome—a date for the concert.
    One effective strategy for stress management consists of talking to our selves. We become our own manager, and we guide our thoughts, feelings, and behavior in order to cope. Phillip Le Gras suggests that we view the stress experience as a series of phases. Here, he presents the phases and some examples of coping statements:
1. Preparing for a stressor. [Stressors are events that result in behavioral outcomes called stress reactions.] What do I have to do? I can develop a plan to handle it. I have to think about this and not panic. Don’t be negative. Think logically. Be rational. Don’t worry. Maybe the tension I’m feeling is just eagerness to confront the situation.
2. Confronting and handling a stressor. I can do it. Stay relevant. I can psych myself up to handle this, I can meet the challenge. This tension is a cue to use my stress-management skills. Relax. I’m in control. Take a low breath.
3. Coping with the feeling of being overwhelmed. I must concentrate on what I have to do right now. I can’t eliminate my fear completely, but I can try to keep it under control. When the fear is overwhelming, I’ll just pause for a minute.
4. Reinforcing self statements. Well done. I did it! It worked. I wasn’t successful this time, but I’m getting better. It almost worked. Next time I can do it. When I control my thoughts I control my fear.
    The purpose of such coping behavior is to become aware of and monitor our anxiety. In this way, we can help eliminate such self-defeating, negative statements as "I’m going to fail," or "I can’t do this." Statements such as these are cues that we need to substitute positive, coping self-statements.
    If the self-statements do not work, or if the stress reaction is exception ally intense, then we may need to employ other techniques. Sometimes we can distract ourselves by focusing on something outside the stressful experience—a pleasant memory—or by doing mental arithmetic. Another technique is imaging. By manipulating mental images we can reinterpret, ignore, or change the context of the experience. For example, we can put the experience of unrequited love into a soap-opera fantasy or the experience of pain in to a medieval torture by the rack. The point here is that love and pain are strongly subjective and personal, and when they arc causing us severe stress we can reconstruct the situation mentally to case the stress. In both these cases the technique of imaging helps to make our response more objective—to take it outside ourselves. The more alternatives we have to aid us in stress reduction, the more likely we are to deal with it effectively.
Talking to oneself is an effective means of managing stress because it is a means of ______.

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答案directing our thoughts and feelings

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