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To Have a Better Conversation
   Good morning, everybody. Today we will talk about the ways to converse well. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance. That is partly due to technology. With smart phones people are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face. We all have had great conversations before, the kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you’ve made a real connection or you’ve been perfectly understood. There is no reason why most of your interactions can’t be like that.
   I have some basic rules for great conversations. I’m going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you’ll already enjoy better conversations.
   Number one: Don’t multitask. I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don’t think about your argument you had with your boss. Don’t think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don’t be half in it and half out of it.
   Number two: Don’t pontificate. If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. You should set aside yourself. And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener.
   Number three: Use open-ended questions. In this case, take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. If I ask you, “Were you terrified?” The answer is “Yes, I was.” or “No, I wasn’t.” You should let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like, “What was that like?” “How did that feel?” Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.
   Number four: Be concise. To achieve conciseness, leave out repetition and details. First, try not to repeat yourself. Repetition is really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don’t do that. Second, try not to beat about the bush. Remember to leave the details out. Frankly, people don’t care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you’re struggling to come up with in your mind. They don’t care. What they care about is you. They care about what you’re like, what you have in common. So forget the details. A good conversation is concise like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.
   Number five: Listen. This is a matter of prime importance. Buddha said, and I’m paraphrasing, “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” It takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a conversation. You’re just shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. And this boils down to the same basic concept: be interested in other people.
   To sum up, with these rules in mind, we should be interested in our conversationists and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Next time, I will talk about how to deliver a public speech.